GreAteSt FeAr

What is your greatest fear? Is it lonely or darkness or dying?

Me? I am afraid of going home alone late, past mid-nite. Why? My mind will start to run wild and think of every little stupid or dangerous thing that might happen. I was not like this in the past, all the dangerous scene will not appear or come across my mind and I will think that it will not happen to me. But after my Yishun bf broke-up with me, I start to feel this fear in me.
Few days after our break-up, i went over his flat's void-deck to wait for his return, to pass him back some things. During my awaiting, I realised that the surrounding was so quiet and there wasnt a single soul. Being in an unfamiliar district, I start to wonder what if someone attacks me from the back, how can i react or etc. Luckily, nothing had happened and after a teary scene, i left for my "Home Sweet Home".
Home is still my favourite place to hide when I'm feeling down, becoz whenever I am sad or vexed, i feel like sleeping, in my bed. Hee.. Mayb my mind is too lazy to be sad or too tired to think of sadness.

I will always try to overcome this fear by telling myself dun think too much, or praising myself what a wild imaginations i have, to ease my fear. Well, it did help alittle.
So, if you have a fear for something, dun juz sit there and said you are afraid of this and that, try to do something to overcome it. If there is a will, there is a way.

EnVyinG

How long can a person hold a memory of someone? A year? A decade? Or forever?
Sometimes we just can't describe how good is that someone, but he/she just can't seem to be replaced by another person. Or is it that we just refuse to let he/she being replaced. In our mind, there is always "What if?" What if we are still together now? What if i continue to persist that time? What if i do this or What if i do that? Tell yourselves, there is no "what if", if not we wouldnt be what we are now. Look forward to now instead of the past, we can't catch back any of the past, but we can treasure now.

Looking at others, we may tend to envy what they have and longed to be the same. But how often do we realise that what we alreadi have, is actually what we longed to have beyone what we have. So, always look around you and think of every little things, others do for you, it might not be anything great, but it may be what you envy others of, or others might envy. We always dunno how fortunate we actually are, therefore are constantly searching the happiness we want. Sometimes, we ourselves dunno what we really want or need. Like me, I realli dunno what I need or want. We just know to keep wanting the best of the best but how often do we realised that what we humans realli need is just love, care and concern. Which is more important, Is it Want or Need?

ToLeRancE LiMitEd

Do you think there is a limit to tolerance ? And how much is max limit ?

I think we realli cant measure and it is up to individual that how much you wanna it to be the max of your tolerance level. I have higher tolerance level for my close friends but lower for loved ones, i dunno why. Maybe i expect more from them, esp my bf. But i feel there is no limit to my tolerance for him. People always said we should feel contented of wat we have, nothing is perfect. Having no expectations may sounded worst. That means you dun see any good or improvement that they will achieved. Or you can pick up anyone on the streets as there is no requirements..

But towards friends, there will be a limit to my tolerance level. If i dun like the person (i am not those kind whom dislike others for no reasons, he/she should have stepped on me), i wont wanna talk, see, be with the person, or even walking pass. I wont want any acquaintance with me, all around me and whom i keep contact with, are my friends. I dun see the need of having acquaintance, which i feel it is untrue.

So friends reading tis and knew abt the pig-dog incident (Read Dec12 Blog), stop asking me to go out/make up with him, or tell me that i am making things difficult, and said "Aiyo, so long liao, forget it lah." I think everyone has our own choice and circles of friends rite. If i go out wif my other circle of friends and knowing another circle will not click, i wont force them to join. Like if U know U wont click with someone, U will not wanna go out with them. I dun mind if my poly friends go out without me, when they wanna go out with tht pig-dog, but juz dun force me or try to persude me to go. U can say i am stubborn , petty or etc... That's me. I will not wanna do things which i dont like. Seriously, there is no hatred or dislike towards him now, juz that i dun wanna have tis kind of friends.

When things not happened on us, we will seem to take it lightly, not trying to understand others' feelings or put ourselves in one's shoes. Even if we did, different people will have different reactions, that is why humans are complicated. Things that we dont mind, doesnt means others dun mind.. So try spare a thought for others and care about others' feelings.

FRiEnDss

"Sometimes it feels no one understands
i don't even know why i do the things i do
when pride builds me up till i can't see my soul
will you break down these walls and pull me through
coz it's a long long journey
till i feel that i am worth the price

you paid for me on calvary beneath those stormy skies
when satan mocks and friends turn to foes
it feel like everything is out to make me lose control
coz it's a long long journey till i find my way home to you"

Sometimes i realli feel veri sad for tis friend, denied all friends goodwills and taking their caring advises as humiliating him. Or his love for the gal had alreadi turned him into an hateful monster, numbing all his feelings for friends, treating friends as tools and takes them for granted.

Sometimes i realli dun understand why over & over again we want to talk some sense into him, but to him is all nonsense. Well, guessed i would juz have to give up... I should have know that people always dun like to hear things that are not music to their ears, I shouldn't have wasted my saliva once again on such hopeless fellow. Although he is not a "very" true & good friend, somehow i still feel a pinch in the heart, seeing such a silly guy, falling for a gal that will never like him or maybe he juz needed a someone for him to shower his love. And becoz of that he twisted and turned stories and making use of his friends. If one is too involved in somethings, U tend to lose control of yourselves and hurt whoever in your ways, even though U dun mean to, U had alreadi did.

Friends forever to the rest who realli appreciate & treasure friendship